Asking Eric: My brother-in-law never repaid us for a large loan

Dear Eric: Because my father-in-law was always angry at one of his sons (my husband and his brother) and changing his will accordingly, they agreed to split everything evenly, no matter what the will said.

When my father-in-law passed away almost everything was left to my brother-in-law. True to his word, he sent us a check for half. We were grateful and expressed our thanks.

About a year later my brother-in-law called asking to borrow $25,000 until a CD came due in a year. We sent the money the next day.

After 18 months my husband asked his brother about the loan and my brother-in-law went nuts, screaming (over the phone) at my husband, name calling, et cetera. The money was never repaid, but worse, my husband and his brother have not spoken in over two years.

Your thoughts?

– Sister-in-Law

Dear Sister-in-Law: Every loan should come with written terms, preferably in consultation with a financial adviser or lawyer. Especially loans of that size. This gives both parties a clear view of the expectations around repayment and interest, if any, as well as recourse should something go awry.

It may seem overly litigious, especially between families, but, as your letter shows, there’s little that can drive a wedge between people like money. Now, in the case of your husband and his brother, given the history with their father, I also suspect that there are other mental or emotional factors involved in your brother-in-law’s reaction.

What’s to be done about it? It depends on what’s most important to you. If repayment is the top priority, you can consult with an attorney to see if you have viable options. If the most important thing is reunification, then your husband and his brother need to have a resetting conversation wherein they’re both able to state the places where they felt wronged without the other taking offense. Then they’ll need to agree to leave the past in the past and move forward differently.